Before we start let me tell you who these questions are NOT for.
The questions are not for: women unwilling to change, women who do not want to grow in the ways of God, or women who intend to use these against other women!
But I will tell you this.
Every christian wife and mom should openly allow God to search their heart, and reveal areas that need refined and grown.
**These questions are not meant to weaponize against a spouse or a friend, but rather to challenge and encourage you to look more like the image of Christ as women.**
Let’s get started!
Do you know the purpose God has for your family?
Biblical Context: As believers we all have the same mandate to go out into the world and share the gospel of Jesus; But how we do that in our own families looks different for everyone. When a family knows the purpose God has for them specifically it allows them to live life in clear pursuit of it.
- Bible Verse: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15
Have you and your husband written out a vision statement for your family?
Biblical Context: When you see families struggling to feel connected and united it is often because they have a lack of clear vision. As the woman in the home it is important to be on the same page as your husband so you can lead in a way that aligns with the set vision. If everyone is running in opposite directions nothing will be accomplished.
- Bible Verse:“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” – Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)
Do you allow your husband to be the spiritual leader in your home?
Biblical Context: The bible very clearly states the husband is the head of the home. It should go without saying, but allowing your husband to lead does not mean you are not also a leader in the home. However, it is so important to trust that God is leading your husband, and your husband is leading your family. When you try to take the lead, it prevents your husband from living out his God given purpose. If you see gaps in his leadership, be prayerful, and always communicate with grace.
- Bible Verse: “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” — Ephesians 5:23
Do you know what God’s design for a wife and mom are?
Biblical Context: It is your role as a wife to come alongside your husband to help nurture and move forward the vision of the family. This is not a role to be taken lightly, and when neglected prevents God from fully moving in your marriage and family. Contrary to what society portrays, the role a wife and mother have in the home and family is essential for the growth and movement of the family.
- Bible Verse: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” – Genesis 2:18 // “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” – Proverbs 31:10-11
Do you seek God above all else? Or fit in with the world?
Biblical Context: In an era where so many women turn to social media to validate their feelings, their looks, or even their “godly homes” – it is imperative that you remember to seek God above all else. Trust me, in today’s world you will always find whatever it is you are looking validation for. The bible says to seek God above ALL ELSE!
- Bible Verse: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6:33
Do you communicate with your husband and children kindly & effectively?
Biblical Context: Exhaustion and personal struggles are not an excuse for losing your temper and yelling at your husband or children. As wives and mothers we must submit our thoughts to Christ and die to our flesh daily. The words we speak hold the power of life and death so choose them carefully and wisely!
- Bible Verse: “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” – Proverbs 31:26
How are you intentional to connect with each of your children individually?
Biblical Context: The more children you have the more intentional you must be to connect with each of your children. It is a reminder of the individual relationships we have with God, and how He delights to spend time with us. Intentional connection be as simple or as elaborate as you make it. The key is that you are consistent!
- Bible Verse: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her” – Proverbs 31: 28
How do you handle conflict in your home?
Biblical Context: As a mother you are called to lovingly instruct and train your children. When conflict arises it is important to remember you are setting the model for how your children will solve conflict in their own lives and homes some day. Confront conflict with understanding, clear communication, healthy boundaries, and with prayer.
- Bible Verse: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
Does your husband trust you?
Biblical Context: It is important that your husband trusts you can manage the home, lead your children, and make wise choices when opportunities arise. If you are easily overwhelmed by your daily responsibilities, or stagnant in your relationship with God it is hard for him to trust you can carry forward the family vision. You do not have to strive for perfection. Allow the Holy Spirit to refine you, and diligently pursue what God has placed in your hands.
- Bible Verse: “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” – Proverbs 31:11
Do you consistently pray with your husband and children?
Biblical Context: Do not underestimate the power and impact consistent prayer has for your family. If you didn’t grow up in a home where prayer was done consistently or openly you may have to be the one to implement change. Pray out loud in front of your children so they learn how to talk to God, and see their mom living out her relationship with Him. Pray over them daily and allow them to hear the blessings you are speaking over their lives.
- Bible Verse: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” – Philippians 4:6
Do you submit to your husband?
Biblical Context: Calm down, submission is not a bad thing! Lol. One of the great things about submitting to your husband is it allows you to live confidently and securely in all that you do. I understand submission has been weaponized within certain churches and relationships, but when done in the way God intended it gives you freedom. A God-fearing husband isn’t going to use submission as a tool to strong arm you; however, there are going to be times where ultimately the decision is his to make and you have to be willing to submit (without throwing a fit.)
- Bible Verse: “ Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22
Are you modeling the type of wife/mom you hope your daughters will become and your sons will desire in their own marriage?
Biblical Context: I have always found it interesting that Proverbs 31 starts out with King Lemuel’s mom giving him instruction. She gives a clear description of what a godly woman looks like and how she conducts herself. She is describing the type of women we should be as believers, and the type of woman her son should look for. When reading about the Proverbs 31 Woman just be honest with yourself. Remember, God does not expect legalistic perfection. Instead look for areas of growth and be committed to developing as a christian woman.
- Bible Verse: Proverbs 31:1-33
Do you want to raise your children the same way you were? What are doing the same/differently?
Biblical Context: If you don’t want to pass on childhood trauma, bad habits, and generational strongholds you are going to need to be honest about the things you want to change in your own family. Likewise, if your parents were God-fearing and God-honoring you should want to follow in their Godly footsteps. The key is that you are not passive about what you pass down to your children and how you are raise them.
- Bible Verse: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Is there anything you are currently hiding from your husband or family?
Biblical Context: Let’s be honest – it’s not just men who hide things. Are there any relationships you have right now that your husband would not be comfortable with you having? Do you push boundaries when it comes to your interactions with other men? Do you secretly make purchases without telling your husband? Do you currently struggle with under-eating/over-eating that your husband is not aware of? Honesty and transparency are fundamental to healthy relationships, as darkness cannot dwell where there is light.
- Bible Verse: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” – James 5:16
Do you constantly struggle with anxiety, fear or exhaustion?
Biblical Context: Too many women now-a-days passively accept anxiety, depression, fear, exhaustion and anger. The bible commands us to take our thoughts captive and pray without ceasing! I believe there is a time and place for medical intervention, but the key is to not be passive about the things listed above. Don’t settle for a life where you continually give satan and open door.
- Bible Verse: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7
Do you have a biblical view of your role in the home?
Biblical Context: We covered a little bit of this earlier, but some additional questions to consider to know if you have a biblical view of your role in the home: Do you struggle to be at peace in your home? Do you need outside jobs or volunteer opportunities to feel valuable? Do you think being a stay at home wife/mom is a waste of time or too risky? Do you invite others into your home? Do you struggle with laziness and have lack of discipline in caring for your home, and the environment you create?
- Bible Verse: “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” – Titus 2:4-8
Do you have any habits you do not want to pass down to your children?
Biblical Context: Sometimes it takes us having a reality check of where our family truly is in the foundational areas of our lives (remember, it’s our stewardship, and leadership that has taken our family to wherever we currently are.) Breaking unhealthy patterns and habits requires self-awareness, discipline, and reliance on God’s strength.
- Bible Verse: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2
Do you possess multiple, valuable skills?
Biblical Context: We have referenced the Proverbs 31 Woman multiple times throughout these questions, but this is not the only reference for women having valuable skills, business knowledge and thriving businesses. Culturally it was the norm for young girls to begin learning valuable skills and trades very early on in their lives. God’s word empowers us a wives and moms to diligently grow not just in knowledge but also in our skills and talents. When we do we bring blessing to our families.
- Bible Verse: “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously;” – Proverbs 31: 13-17
What is something you know you need to change right now? Why haven’t you?
Biblical Context: If you have a stronghold in your life, there’s a potential that you just don’t see the area that needs changing. Maybe you’re blinded by shame, anger, rejection, or pride—this is why it’s so important to have other women in our lives who can speak to these things in a way that is sharpening and full of the love of Christ. Recognizing and repenting of sin requires humility, honesty, and reliance on God’s grace for transformation.
- Bible Verse: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:1
Do you need to apologize/repent to your husband or children for anything? Go do it.
Biblical Context: Listen, no one is perfect. As daughters of God, though, we should not be okay when we are living a life that contradicts the ways of God. Maybe you have a repeated struggle right now you need deliverance from, but until you are, you will continue to repeat ungodly behavior. Or if you are walking in freedom now from past sin, but never repented and apologized to your family they may have undealt with hurt they need delivered from. Do your due diligence and make sure all the doors are closed to the strongholds over your family due to your own sin.
- Bible Verse: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” – Matthew 5:23-24
Do you have a strong community or have you isolated yourself and your family?
Biblical Context: I know firsthand how hard it can be to not only make time for community, but also find it! However, I promise there are other christians wives and moms who are praying for a friend just like you. Isn’t that amazing? You may be asking God for friends and community, and so is someone else. God be the answer to someone else’s prayer!
- Bible Verse: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” – Proverbs 17:77
