Are you the only one standing for your marriage, or are both of you standing?

And no, I am not just referring to those in crisis mode.

This is a serious question for two reasons.

One, oftentimes people think they are the only one standing.

But if you were to ever meet, coach, or counsel their spouse…

…their SPOUSE also thinks they are the only one standing for the marriage.

Which brings me to the second reason…

Two, we should be on the same page (with God and our spouse) when it comes to WHAT standing actually means…

*ARE WE* on the same page with our spouses about what “standing” looks like?

Is it simply saying, “I’m sticking this out no matter what,” when things fall apart?

Or is it also choosing to do what is right—
Even when nothing seems “wrong”?

…the Bible says that the man who knows what to do and doesn’t do it, for him it is sin… James 4:17

By the time we are in so much pain that we have an encounter with God (and to our surprise, He says He is FOR our marriage, He is FOR us standing and helps us with divine encounters with those who help us stand well…) we are exhausted and tired at the “idea of standing.”

Because we’ve been counterfeit standing, using our spiritual legs for everything except God’s way.

Instead…we should be not only humbled and honored (that God is ready and willing to move) but we, too, should be ready to stand well…

…so we don’t repeat missing the mark on standing.

As my wife and I are sitting here thinking of the remainder of  2025…

…and what it’s going to take to help shepherd, lead, edify, comfort, and guide people in healing, growing, restoring, and building their marriage…

…the next step we believe the Holy Spirit is wanting us to address is “the stand.”

The Biblical Way to Stand for Marriage

The command to stand is not a suggestion; it’s a battle position.

In Ephesians 6:10-18, the word STAND is repeated four times before revealing how to do it:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your STAND against the devil’s schemes.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to STAND your ground,
and after you have done everything, to STAND.
STAND firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist…”

This passage begins with the charge to:
“Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.”

Before any armor is mentioned, before any specific instructions are given, the foundation is clear:

You cannot stand on your own strength.

The Greek Word for “Stand” in Scripture

The Greek word for “stand” above used in Ephesians 6:10-18 is ἵστημι (histēmi)—that same Greek word for stand is used in other contexts as well:

Standing Firm in Faith and God’s Strength

• “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13)
• “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)
• “…stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel.” (Philippians 1:27)
• “…stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!” (Philippians 4:1)

Standing Before God (Judgment, Presence, or Service)

• “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall.” (Romans 14:4)
• “Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21:36)
• “For the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?” (Revelation 6:17)

Standing in a Literal or Physical Sense

• “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” (Mark 3:25)
• “While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside…” (Matthew 12:46)
• “Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’” (John 20:19)

Standing as a Symbol of Authority or Position

• “But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God,
  and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.” (Acts 7:55-56)
• “…through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” (Romans 5:2)
• “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy,
  because it is by faith you stand firm.” (2 Corinthians 1:24)

…So aside from judgment (which is only fitting for God),
We are called to stand in:

• Faith
• God’s strength
• Presence
• Service
• Physical sense
• Authority or position

Direct Challenge

If you’re not standing in faith, strength, presence, service, physically, or in authority…

What (or rather whose) version of standing are you operating in?

And if it’s not God’s—why are you wasting your time?

If we are going to stand, we need to STAND WELL and STAND RIGHTEOUSLY. There is no in-between.

Be Careful You are not Partnering with the Enemy

If we aren’t standing God’s way—as His chosen instruments of reflection and restoration in our marriages—then we are actively partnering with Lucifer.

Here’s how:

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Way #1: Demonic Wisdom

James 3:14-18 (AMP) reveals the deception of standing in our own way:

14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be arrogant [and as a result, be in defiance of the truth].
15 This [superficial] wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly (secular), natural (unspiritual), even demonic.
16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder (unrest, rebellion) and every evil thing and morally degrading practice.
17 But the wisdom from above is first pure (morally and spiritually undefiled); then peace-loving (courteous, considerate), gentle, reasonable (and willing to listen), full of compassion and good fruits. It is unwavering, without [self-righteous] hypocrisy [and self-serving guile].
18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness (spiritual maturity) is sown in peace by those who make peace [by actively encouraging goodwill between individuals].

When we stand in bitterness, selfishness, or ambition—we open the door to disorder and rebellion rooted in demonic wisdom.

This counterfeit wisdom offers temporary relief but always leads to greater destruction.

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Way #2: Constant Accusation

Revelation 12:10 (AMP) reminds us of Satan’s role as the accuser:

“Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying,
‘Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom (dominion, reign) of our God
and the authority of His Christ have come;
for the accuser of our [believing] brothers and sisters has been thrown down [at last],
he who accuses them and keeps bringing charges [of sinful behavior] against them
before our God day and night.’”

Standing in unrighteousness—whether through self-righteousness or unyielding pride—mirrors the work of the Accuser.

It places you in agreement with the enemy, amplifying accusation rather than restoration.

These 22 Behaviors Are a Direct Violation of God’s Way of Standing for Marriage

Too often, spouses think they’re fighting for restoration while carrying attitudes, behaviors, and mindsets that directly oppose His Word.

These 22 patterns might look different in a husband or a wife, but they all have one thing in common—they will quietly undermine your stand and partner you with the wrong kingdom.

1. Continuing to personalize your spouse’s sin

• Wife: Constantly internalizes her husband’s failings as a reflection of her worth, replaying his choices as personal rejection.

• Husband: Frames his wife’s sins as a direct attack on his leadership or manhood, taking offense at every failure instead of interceding.

2. Taking offense and keeping a record of wrongs

• Wife: Stores mental “receipts” of every hurtful word or action and references them in arguments.

• Husband: Keeps a quiet mental ledger, using past failures to justify emotional withdrawal or lack of intimacy.

3. Repaying evil for evil

• Wife: Returns disrespect with disrespect, criticism with criticism, withholding emotional connection or physical intimacy in retaliation.

• Husband: Matches her sharp words with harsher ones, or undermines her trust in the same ways he’s been hurt.

4. Responding to unrighteousness with more unrighteousness

• Wife: Uses gossip, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior to “get even” or prove her point.

• Husband: Resorts to angry outbursts, control tactics, or cutting off communication to reassert dominance.

5. Justifying your own sin and lack of self-control

• Wife: Excuses disrespect or emotional volatility because of his past actions.

• Husband: Rationalizes pornography, verbal harshness, or financial recklessness because he “feels neglected.”

6. Numbing your pain with vices, distractions, “self-care,” etc.

• Wife: Spends excessive time on social media, shopping, or entertainment to avoid dealing with the heart issues.

• Husband: Overworks, binges on sports or video games, or leans into substances to avoid emotional responsibility.

7. Seeking counsel that will satisfy what you want to hear

• Wife: Seeks friends or mentors who affirm her grievances without challenging her spiritually.

• Husband: Surrounds himself with buddies who reinforce his pride and justify his avoidance of repentance.

8. Telling anyone and everyone about your marital hardship

• Wife: Shares intimate marital struggles with multiple friends, online groups, or family members.

• Husband: Uses casual conversations, even in public settings, to vent frustrations and subtly dishonor his wife.

9. Slandering your spouse to family and friends

• Wife: Paints her husband as a villain to secure sympathy and validation.

• Husband: Tells one-sided stories to discredit his wife’s character and justify his own behavior.

10. Building your own separate life just in case this doesn’t work out

• Wife: Establishes new routines, financial accounts, or hobbies entirely apart from her husband.

• Husband: Pursues friendships, living arrangements, or investments that remove dependence on the marriage.

11. Allowing your emotions to rule over this season

• Wife: Makes major decisions or confrontations based solely on how she feels in the moment.

• Husband: Withdraws or lashes out based on mood swings instead of seeking God’s wisdom first.

12. Appearing righteous on the outside while harboring unforgiveness inside

• Wife: Acts “fine” in public or at church but nurses bitterness privately.

• Husband: Serves, prays, or teaches while refusing to release his wife from past wrongs.

13. Suffering in silence and not seeking wise counsel

• Wife: Bears the weight alone to avoid looking “weak,” even when drowning spiritually.

• Husband: Believes asking for help undermines his strength, so he isolates instead of seeking guidance.

14. Unwilling to spiritually mature beyond your own understanding

• Wife: Stays stuck in emotional reactions instead of deepening her biblical discernment.

• Husband: Clings to his own interpretations of Scripture instead of allowing God to renew his mind.

15. “Knowing your faults” but still only describing your challenges with your spouse

• Wife: Admits to small weaknesses but continues to frame most problems as his fault.

• Husband: Acknowledges surface-level mistakes but spends most of his energy detailing her failures.

16. Unwillingness to submit to the fullness of God’s Word

• Wife: Selectively obeys Scriptures on forgiveness, humility, or order when it feels comfortable.

• Husband: Ignores commands to love sacrificially, lead humbly, or die to self when it costs him.

17. Surrounding yourself with friends who are not for your marriage

• Wife: Confides in people who encourage separation or independence over reconciliation.

• Husband: Spends time with men who mock marriage or encourage selfish living.

18. Giving the devil too much credit for your own rebellion and destruction

• Wife: Attributes her sharp tongue or bitterness to “spiritual attack” instead of taking ownership.

• Husband: Blames the enemy for his lust, anger, or neglect instead of repenting.

19. Demanding your spouse to be righteous after years of your own unrighteous behavior

• Wife: Expects immediate change in him while downplaying her long-term patterns.

• Husband: Holds her to an impossible moral standard while excusing his own history of sin.

20. Growing impatient with the process of restoration

• Wife: Pressures her husband for emotional connection before trust has been rebuilt.

• Husband: Pushes for physical intimacy before emotional and spiritual wounds are addressed.

21. Not willing to persevere long enough for God to do a complete work within you

• Wife: Gives up when progress is slow, deciding the marriage “must not be God’s will.”

• Husband: Abandons the process because he doesn’t see immediate results or relief.

22. Having your own criteria for your spouse’s healing and restoration

• Wife: Measures his repentance by whether he meets her emotional expectations.

• Husband: Judges her restoration by whether she meets his respect or submission benchmarks.

The Armor of God is How You Stand for Your Marriage

The armor of God is not a suggestion—it is the exact blueprint for how to endure this war without collapsing under its weight.

Without it, your emotions will rule, your discernment will dull, and the enemy will exploit every unguarded place in your heart.

This fight is not against your spouse, your circumstances, or your feelings. Scripture makes it clear—you are waging war against rulers, authorities, and powers of darkness determined to dismantle your covenant.

In this season, your stand must be anchored in His truth, covered in righteousness, guarded by peace, shielded by faith, and armed with the Word. That’s why The Standing Spouse was written—to lead you day by day through heart posture shifts, targeted warfare prayers, and Spirit-led strategies so you remain aligned with Heaven’s plan until the breakthrough comes.

If you are called to stand, do it clothed in the armor of God and trained for the fight He’s entrusted to you. Anything less is agreement with the wrong kingdom.