Why Deconstructing Your Faith Should Lead to These 5 Things

Listen, I’m just going to say it. 

But I kind of don’t want to say it.

But I think I need to say it.

But, I’ll say it as if you were sitting on my couch in my living room, okay?

So, let’s just be honest with each other —

I know you went through ____________ (fill in the blank with: divorce, church abuse, physical/emotional abuse, death of a loved one, an affair, depression etc.) — But the “faith deconstruction” isn’t actually working, is it?

Please don’t run out my door!

I know it’s not working, because I have been there.

Where I justified my pain by leaving my faith behind. Or compromising my faith in the name of deconstruction to satisfy a sinful desire.

I know it’s not working because, again, in the name of being honest with one another, you haven’t deconstructed your faith at all, you have abandoned it.

You might be wondering, “What is deconstructing faith?” or “Should I deconstruct my faith?”

By definition deconstruction is: a method of critical analysis of philosophical and literary language which emphasizes the internal workings of language and conceptual systems, the relational quality of meaning, and the assumptions implicit in forms of expression.

So by definition if you were deconstructing you would see more clearly the pain others caused you; the abuse others mishandled when you confessed; the devastating event — none of it was the true reflection of Christ. 

Hear me.

The pastor who manipulated you, abused you, abandoned you, exploited you — he is not God.

The community who abandoned you during the hardest season of your life — not.God.

The spouse who cheated on you — they are not God.

The devastating medical news — it is not God.

The trauma or loss — also not God.

The list can keep going.

And understandably, AS BELIEVERS, we are called to TEST everything against the word of God. When others, whether an individual, or a whole community, does not align with God’s word then THEY are the ones who are in the wrong. 

“Test all things; hold fast what is good.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:21

My encouragement is that you would sit and wrestle with this. Because I know our Spirits want to kick and scream, “THEY HURT ME!!” —

AND THEY DID!

They were wrong.

Period.

Before you begin, or go deeper, in your deconstruction consider this:

In counseling there are 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

What I have learned from my own years of counseling is that sometimes we jump the gun, and want to rush the process.

Same with deconstruction. We want a quick fix to the pain we feel so we are just going to jump to the end of this whole thing and declare, “DECONSTRUCTION!”

*Picture Michael Scott yelling “I declare bankruptcy” and Oscar telling him that’s not how that works.

Same point here.

You can’t declare you are deconstructing your faith and then every action that follows that statement leads you farther from God.

You’re hurt. You need to process. You need to heal. And though that may include leaving a church or community, deconstruction cannot lead to leaving God. If it does, you’re missing the entire point.

Your deconstruction should:

1. Bring you closer to God.
2. Mature you as a believer
3. Equip you to to identify false teachers and abuse in the future
4. Allow you to see where Satan had distorted God’s truth in your life
5. Arm you with wisdom and knowledge

We teach you how to do all 5 of those things in the first issue of The Family Memo—get it free, here.

Listen, Before you go:

I don’t know why certain people can identify as a christian and do some of the darkest things imaginable. I don’t know why some christians are so fickle or mean. I don’t know why you went through what you did. I don’t think you asked for it. I don’t think you deserved it. I don’t think any part of your trauma is justifiable. I don’t think you just stumbled upon deconstruction by accident.

What I do know is this: Too many believers are falling away from God. We are allowing our circumstances to determine our belief and loyalty to Him; RATHER THAN living in the fear of the Lord. We are allowing ourselves to live a watered down version of christianity in order to “find ourselves.” Jesus did not say, “search within and surely you will find Me”. No, He said seek first the kingdom of God.

“Be not wise in your own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.” — Proverbs 3:7

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” — Proverbs 9:10

One Last Thing: My husband and I do not take these topics lightly. We have been a part of some of the biggest megachurches, served with celebrity pastors/apostles/prophets, and been through our own hard seasons. Needless to say we have had a lot of reasons to “deconstruct”. But ultimately we decided we would rather help others not have to go through the same things we did AND bring them closer to God.

If you’re looking for a deep dive on the topic of spiritual abuse and spiritual manipulation (and how to avoid it, heal from it, and pray against it for your family) then you’ll want to get a hold of The Family Memo. Issue 001 is free and we talk about EXACTLY that.

You can check out the Family Memo here and learn the 64 Signs Of Spiritual Abuse and Manipulation.