Disclaimer:
This article is specifically intended for individuals who wish to quit their porn habit through biblical healing and principles as the foundational approach. If you are struggling with a porn addiction or any related addictions and do not desire a biblically based approach, it is crucial that you immediately consult a licensed professional.
Addiction is a complex issue that often requires comprehensive support, including medical, psychological, and spiritual care. This article provides spiritual guidance and personal testimony aimed at those who seek deliverance through Christian faith and practices. For those needing medical advice, mental health counseling, or other professional support, please reach out to qualified healthcare providers or addiction specialists who can offer the appropriate assistance tailored to your needs.
You’ve Tried Everything
Now that we have that out of the way, I am assuming if you’re still here it’s because you’ve tried everything.
Or, at least a lot of things.
- You’ve tried praying…
- You’ve tried writing down your reasons…
- You’ve tried programs…
- You’ve tried identifying triggers…
- You’ve tried telling someone…
- You’ve tried “healthy distractions”
- You’ve tried routines…
- You’ve tried medication…
- You’ve tried regulating your chemical balances…
- You’ve tried communication…
But…the world’s answers aren’t working…
And it still doesn’t take much for you to be right back at the same place…
A specific look that a man or woman gives. The perfect outfit. A specific smell, especially fragrances. Or, it could just be the energy you feel right after a really good win in life.
It’s demoralizing.
Trust me, I understand.
My Struggle With Porn, Drugs, and “Self Awareness”
For decades I was addicted to sexuality. Yea, you read that right. Not just porn—porn was just a “pack-a-day” habit that accompanied my addiction to sex and sexuality.
I grew up without my biological mother and father.
I grew up through sexual abuse.
I grew up through spiritual manipulation and abuse.
I was rejected and used for most of my childhood.
So, I brought all of that unhealed baggage into my young adult life, my manhood and my marriage.
It even got to a point where I had convinced my wife in one of our darkest seasons in our 13 years of marriage that the way to happiness, self awareness, self discovery, and a life beyond what we could imagine was porn, weed AND extramarital activities.
So I dragged her along with me—through the sin.
And when we were in this “free” lifestyle, doing whatever we wanted, however we wanted it…I hit rock bottom the more I “discovered” myself.
I drank a liter of vodka every 1-2x days for about a year.
Then I discovered the “health” benefits of replacing alcohol with weed. So, I smoked weed and was high for 20+ hours a day, and no one knew. It felt great—I was a “functioning drug addict.” Or so I thought. When the high would wear off in the middle of the night, I’d use it to go back to sleep. (We are talking concentrated cannabis resin, not just the flower.)
And guess how I justified all of this as a Christian?
I used it to fuel a season of success, hustling my way to a 6-figure business…from nothing.
In the process I deconstructed my faith and had a vendetta against Christians and Christianity.
Which led me right to the edge of New Age practices before God finally woke me up.
It’s a Heart Condition, Not a Sin Issue
Now let me remind you, these “weak” moments that we have where sin manifests in lust, porn, masturbation, dark fantasies etc., are always fueled by the same things:
- Anger
- Revenge
- Resentment
- Apathy
- Rejection
- Isolation
- Seduction
- Bitterness
- False authority expressed through domination
- A lack of identity and significance
- An unbiblical and unbalanced lifestyle
You have a heart condition, you do not have a sin issue. The sin is the byproduct not the root.
The condition of your heart is separation from God—THAT is the deception behind the sin that you are struggling with.
That’s the deception Satan doesn’t want you to see.
Separation from God.
Satan wants you asking:
- Why can’t I stop?
- Why won’t anything work?
- Is there something wrong with me?
- Why does God allow me to fall like this when I ask Him for help?
- Why doesn’t He just take the feeling away?
- Why do I have a high sex drive?
- Why won’t my wife just initiate more often…or at all?
- Why won’t she do some of the things other women will?
- Why can’t we watch it together?
- Why do I have to wait for marriage?
Here’s the beautiful part about God’s mercy and grace.
Sometimes He will allow us to feel temporary separation from Him, so we don’t have to face eternal separation from Him. Remember—Satan can only do what he has the jurisdiction to do. And God is not going to let you fall when your heart is focused on Him.
So, where does the story lead then for me?
How I Stopped Watching Porn & Doing Drugs
The more I remained how I was, the more anger had a grip on my life.
I was always angry.
The slightest thing could piss me off.
It wasn’t until I started praying and during a series of meetings I had with other men of God that I started asking God for breakthroughs, for dreams, visions, a sign, SOMETHING. Why? Because I was desperate and needed to get to the other side of this or I was going to do something crazy or fall deeper into this pit of separation that I felt from God and my purpose.
I didn’t know what was going to happen exactly, but I knew it was dark and I knew it wasn’t God.
And THAT…is where God met me.
In my desperation.
In my loneliness.
That’s when it happened—I woke up with my stomach turning in the middle of the night, but it wasn’t like anything I had felt with this level of intensity before.
I knew it wasn’t physical.
I walked out to the living room where our fireplace was and turned it on—then, put worship music in my ears and began to pray.
My praying in English turned into me mumbling through my tears and short breaths…which turned into just mumbling as fast as I could while weeping, and I started praying in a language I hadn’t in a long time. My spiritual language.
And at that very moment, I started yelling (like, ya just got stabbed type of yelling) and felt like the deepest pits of my soul were being emptied.
My wife and 4x children (at the time; I have 5x now) came out to see what was happening. I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was repent.
I kept saying to my kids and my wife, “I am sorry for the way I have led you. I am sorry for not seeing the real you. I am sorry for blocking the breath and wind of God from our family and our life. I am sorry for not creating a dwelling place for God in this home and letting you express your true selves. It’s not me, it’s not the real me. God is healing me and we are going to walk in His forgiveness.”
And you might be thinking…this is dramatic and overly spiritual.
But you know what?
- It worked…
- It was powerful…
- It was real…
- And it WORKED…
From that day forward until writing this sentence right here…
I haven’t touched weed, alcohol, or porn. AND, it hasn’t been a struggle.
It’s been a bold transformation in my life as a son of God.
My mind changed.
My body changed.
My belief system changed.
My heart posture and heart condition changed.
I was not a perfect man, but I was a healed man.
And it was time for me to finally walk in what God had planned for my family and my life.
That’s Awesome: But How Do I Heal and Stop Watching Porn?
So, if you’re sitting here wondering…”well what about me, Derek? Great story. But I don’t have a business, I don’t have a wife, I don’t struggle with drugs, I don’t believe in new-agey stuff, I just battle with lust…I didn’t come here for story time! I need help!”
The short answer is that for me, it took a combination of deliverance, therapy, coaching, community, accountability, with a huge emphasis on the first one as the FIRST STEP.
Deliverance.
And your truth is…
You. Need. Deliverance.
Before anything else happens.
Something has to leave you…
Do you ever notice the physical symptoms that start happening before a moment of succumbing to temptation?
Nothing has even happened and your body starts manifesting and having a hunger that needs fed.
- That tingling you feel in your lower abdomen.
- The buzz you feel behind your eyes.
- The tightness you feel in the back of your neck.
- Those internal, seeming uncontrollable breaths that you take when trying to avoid the temptation.
- The need to say the F word with some extra AAAAA’s, in your head.
And I am not talking about being “turned on.”
That. List. Is. Not. Normal.
Don’t believe “it’s just science and how my body works.”
God knows every hair on your head and knew you before you were in your mother’s womb.
He knows when something is supposed to be there or not. And those things are not, outside of any biblical context.
That is demonic. That is of Satan. And you need to tell it to leave.
Until you can see the deception that Satan uses in the realm of pornography and adult content, you will never see the trap.
Until you understand the promise on the other side of your healing and deliverance, it doesn’t matter how many PhD’s the person has who’s helping or who’s content you’re reading, what their 17-step program is, how many clean routers you implement, you’ll find a way back.
Sin will find a way.
Sin wants to grow and expand.
There are pockets of content everywhere.
If you are done with allowing Satan to have rule over your life, and to control your physical body, then before you do any of the other things (therapy, groups, distractions, etc.) you need deliverance.
I will ALWAYS recommend that you do it with a local church, pastor, or some type of covering who moves in the gifts of prophecy and deliverance.
This list is a deliverance map provided by Isaiah Saldivar, a trusted and highly respected deliverance minister that you can use at your own discretion.
But if you don’t have access to any place or anyone, you can also start the self deliverance process yourself…
And seek out those resources afterwards for your continued deliverance.
Sit in your car. Stand in the sun. Sit at the table or couch..
Why? Because when it’s REAL, you don’t care where. You just want freedom.
And pray something like this:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I need you. I need your grace. I need your mercy.
You have freely given these to me but I can not see your light in my current condition.
I am a slave to my life and I don’t see myself as a Son of God.
I don’t want to be a slave to my flesh.
I don’t want to let my mind run my life.
I give you my mind, my will, and my emotions.
I ask in Jesus mighty name that you would begin to mend my soul where it is fractured and broken.
I reject and renounce:
The spirit of isolation
The spirit of manipulation
The spirit of seduction
The spirit of revenge
The spirit of domination
The spirit of perversion
The spirit of rejection
The spirit of resentment
Lift the perverted film and veil from my spiritual eyes.
God, cover me in your blood.
I ask that you would restore my innocence that I once felt as a child.
Restore my innocence. Restore it in Jesus name.
Thank you for my life. Thank you for your wind. Thank you that your name is the breath of my life.
Any anger that is rising up as I pray, I command it to manifest and leave peacefully in the name of Jesus Christ.
I am a son of God. I am a man above reproach. I am a pure man. I am a single-minded man.
I rebuke and destroy:
The seeds of lust
The seeds of depression
The seeds of confusion
The seeds of double-mindedness and schizophrenic tendencies
I bind and cast you out in the name of Jesus.
I destroy the contract and legal right that you have to be here and I burn it in the fire of Jesus Christ. I am in covenant with the one true Christ.
Leave now and go back to the pit in Jesus name.
God, fill me up where there are voids.
Show me the significance of my life.
I pray for your Holy Spirit to fill me with the fruit of the Spirit in the areas where demons, dark spirits, or strongholds once were.
How do I know when it’s real or not?
Once you’ve prayed this prayer in your place of desperation, you will know when it’s real.
Trust me, you will know…
Some type of manifestation will happen.
Either you’ll be on the side of:
- Weeping
- Crying
- Coughing
- Spitting
- Puking
- Groaning
- Yelling
- Screaming
- Yawning
Or…in many cases you’re overwhelmed and washed in
- God’s peace
- God’s eternal perspective
- God’s mercy and grace
- God’s visions
- A Holy out of body experience
- God’s forgiveness
Either way, there will be no doubt in your mind that something shifted.
From this point forward is when the other stuff will work! Why, because the weeds, the traps, the blockages, the hardened heart…that stuff is all gone.
NOW we plant good things.
NOW we plant good habits.
NOW we have good routines.
NOW we grow deeper in community.
NOW…your heart doesn’t see the world the same and you walk with the wisdom and knowledge of Christ as you discover the real you.
If this article helped you at all, feel free to connect with us on social media.
If you need personal prayer through this, feel free to email me derek@establishedfamily.com
If you need personal coaching to set a newfound Godly vision for your life and your family, email me derek@establishedfamily.com
We will get you connected to the right things, the right people, and the right resources to grow your family and your life the way God intended it.
God Bless,
Derek Palizay
