The Spiritual Makeup of Love

When most people talk about “love,” they default to feelings.

Attraction.

Emotions.

Even the biblical studies on the types of love—agapē, philia, storgē, eros—tend to keep us thinking in categories.

But Scripture pushes us deeper.

Scripture always goes deeper.

That’s why it declares, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).

The Word does not stop at definitions:

It uncovers motives
It exposes foundations
It reveals the very condition of the heart

Love is not simply a category or a feeling.

It is a fruit of the Spirit.

God Himself is love.

And if that reality is compromised, what we call “love” will collapse under the weight of trials, disappointments, and unmet expectations.

When Paul writes in 1 Timothy 1:5, “The goal of our instruction is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith,” he is speaking into the context of false teachers who had twisted God’s truth into speculation and empty talk.

They had the appearance of knowledge, but no fruit of godliness.

Paul’s correction is that the end result of sound teaching is not argument, not pride, not categories or speculation. It is love. And not love defined by culture or feelings, but love that is born of the Spirit: from a purified heart, a rightly-formed conscience, and an authentic faith.

In the same way, when we say in marriage, “I don’t love them anymore,” or “I love them, but I’m not in love with them,” we are echoing the same error. We have let false definitions of love take root, definitions that are fruitless and powerless.

Paul reminds us that true love does not fade; it flows from a life aligned with God’s truth.

The Falling Out of Love Trap in Marriage

Let’s actually go there for a second.

When someone says, “I don’t love them anymore,” or “I can’t love them the same way again,” or even, “I love them, but I’m not in love with them,” we must recognize that these words do not reveal the condition of the marriage as much as they reveal the condition of the one speaking.

Many spouses say things even beyond that…

“I no longer have love for my spouse.”

“I don’t know if I can love them again or in the same way.”

“I’ll always care about them, but I don’t feel the same.”

“I love them as a person, but not as my spouse.”

“I love them, but not enough to be intimate.”

“I love them, but only for the sake of the kids.”

“I’ll always have love for them, but I can’t live with them.”

“I love them, but I can’t forgive them.”

“I love them, but I can’t trust them.”

“I don’t hate them, but I don’t love them either.”

“I’ll always wish them well, but I’ve moved on.”

“I love them from a distance.”

“I still love them, but I’m not attracted to them anymore.”

“I love them, but I can’t stay in this marriage.”

Here’s the hard truth about these thoughts…

…they are more revealing of you than anyone else.

Why? Let’s unpack the scripture we just read above, all the way down to the Greek words.

1 Timothy 1:5:

“The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”

Paul is not casually piecing together three random virtues.

This isn’t just the best “trio” Paul could think of in the moment.

This is the Spirit’s revelation of the very makeup of love itself.

The foundation. The root system. The spiritual condition that makes love possible.

If even one of these elements is fractured, love itself is fractured.

Pure Heart

Greek: katharás kardías — clean, unsoiled heart.

Katharos means clean, pure, free from corruption.
Kardia means heart, the center of desires, motives, and emotions.

A heart that is cluttered with resentment, lust, selfish ambition, or bitterness cannot produce genuine love. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)

If you cannot see God clearly, you cannot love clearly.

Good Conscience

Greek: agathēs syneidēseōs — upright moral awareness.

Agathos means good, beneficial, upright.
Syneidēsis means conscience, the moral compass of awareness.

When your conscience is dulled or seared, you justify sin instead of confronting it.

Paul warns of those who have “seared consciences” (1 Tim. 4:2). A corrupted conscience redefines love as tolerance for dysfunction, silence in the face of sin, or manipulation disguised as care.

A good conscience anchors love in righteousness. Without it, love bends toward selfishness and self-preservation.

Sincere Faith

Greek: anupokritou pisteōs — genuine, unhypocritical faith.

Anupokritos means without hypocrisy, real, not masked.
Pistis means faith, trust, belief, dependence.

Faith that is hypocritical pretends to love in public but withholds it in private. Faith that is sincere produces love because it rests in God’s strength, not human effort. “The righteous will live by faith.” (Romans 1:17)

When faith is fake, love is fragile.

When faith is sincere, love endures.

The problem is not ultimately the spouse, the history, or the circumstances.

The problem is that the spiritual foundation of love has been compromised.

So, if you feel you’ve fallen out of love with your spouse: love has not failed you; your purity, your conscience, or your faith has failed to remain rooted in Christ.

Don’t let marriage take that from you.

Don’t let your spouse take that from you.

For as John declares, “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). The absence of love is never evidence that God has withdrawn, or removed His hand from our marriage. It is evidence that we have departed from the place where His love flows through us.

What We Replace Love With When it Leaves

At Established Family, one of the sobering realities we’ve seen (serving millions of marriages through media, coaching, and intensives) is that most people don’t walk away from a troubled marriage saying:

“Even if this marriage ends, I’m going to rededicate my life to Jesus, pursue His love, purpose, and mandate for my life. I’ll finally develop my gifts, build my covenant relationships, and spend my days in true partnership with His kingdom.”

That’s not what happens.

Instead, most people are taught by counselors, friends, or their own reasoning to settle for substitutes:

“It’s time to find yourself.”
“You’ve given your best to this marriage—it’s time to move on.”
“You need to chase what makes you happy.”
“You deserve peace, no matter the cost.”

These sound compassionate, but they are not biblical. They are echoes of what Paul warned about in 1 Timothy 1:6:

“Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk.”

When the spiritual foundation of love is abandoned (pure heart, good conscience, sincere faith) what fills the void is always counterfeit. Paul uses the word mataios for meaningless, meaning “vain, empty, purposeless.” It describes speech and counsel that feels comforting in the moment but leads nowhere eternal.

And this is exactly what happens in marriages.

When your conscience is dulled or seared, you justify sin instead of confronting it.
When your faith grows insincere, you live behind masks and call it “healing.”
When your heart is defiled, you redefine love as tolerance, detachment, or silence in the face of sin.

IDENTIFYING WHERE WE’VE OPERATED IN FALSE LOVE

When most people hit this season of marriage (where they feel like they’ve fallen out of love) their minds spiral into “what if’s”:

What if I’m the only one standing?
What if they never repent?
What if I don’t love them anymore?

But if we are pursuing a righteous marriage, we have to stop letting “what if” dictate our posture, and instead turn our what if into even though.

Paul says later in the same opening chapter:

1 Timothy 1:13 (NIV):

“Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.”

What is your list of EVEN THOUGH???

>> Even though I was a bad husband/wife

>> Even though I was manipulative

>> Even though I tore my spouse down

>> Even though we made each other feel worthless

>> Even though we broke our commitment to each other

>> Even though we made false promises we didn’t intend to keep

>> Even though we never receive their genuine expression of love

>> Even though we demanded they love us in a specific way

>> Even though we created codependency in our marriage

>> Even though we missed important Godly conversations

>> Even though we made unhealthy and dysfunctional bonds

>> Even though we stopped living from the LIFE and BREATH of God

>> Even though we didn’t show each other honor

…I WAS SHOWN MERCY BECAUSE I ACTED IN IGNORANCE AND UNBELIEF.

Paul doesn’t minimize his sin. He doesn’t try to reframe it or soften it. He names it. “I was a blasphemer, a persecutor, a violent man.” But then he says something that flips everything: “Even though…I was shown mercy.”

That’s the shift.

Not “I’ve moved on.”
Not “I’ve found myself.”
Not “I’ve redefined love.”

But — “Even though I was guilty, God’s mercy reached me.”

This is the same shift we need in marriage. You don’t leave the list of failures behind by burying it under shame or excusing it with cultural counsel. You leave it behind by renouncing the ignorance and unbelief that kept you from seeing God’s mercy.

Ignorance says: “My way of love was good enough.”

Unbelief says: “My spouse’s failure is bigger than God’s mercy.”

Both are lies.

Because the Word is clear: mercy has already been extended, and grace has already been poured out abundantly. And if that mercy reached Paul—even though he actively opposed Christ—then it is strong enough to reach you, and strong enough to restore your marriage.

How to Battle with The Right Type of Love

Paul closes this same chapter with a charge to Timothy:

“Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well.”
— 1 Timothy 1:18 (NIV)

Prophecy is not abstract encouragement. It is a weapon. One prophetic word, rightly received, can draw your spirit forward into the season God has ordained. It can pull you out of unbelief and anchor you in the future God already sees.

Prophetic words for your marriage (words of edification, exhortation, and comfort) allow you to fight well by recalling them. They remind you that love is not a fragile emotion, but a covenant rooted in design, promise, and vision.

But here’s the reality: you cannot step into prophetic promise if you are still chained to past patterns.

To battle well in marriage, you have to walk through this order:

RENOUNCE old memories, patterns, behaviors, and reactions. This is the command to “put off the old self” (Eph. 4:22). Renounce the lies you believed about love, the ignorance that excused your sin, and the unbelief that shrunk God’s mercy.

REPLACE old remembrances with new prophetic promise. Don’t just stop rehearsing the pain—start rehearsing the Word of the Lord. Recall what God has spoken about your covenant, your calling, and your family. That word is your sword.

REFERENCE new anchor points God gives as you walk forward. Mark the places where He confirms His promise. Journal them. Declare them. Return to them in battle. These become your monuments of mercy, the stones of remembrance that keep you from drifting back into vain substitutes for love.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.” (Hebrews 6:19 NIV)

Prophetic promise is not just encouragement, it is an anchor that tethers your soul to the sanctuary of God’s presence.

This is how you war with love rightly.

Not with resentment.
Not with self-preservation.

But with prophecy.

Because prophecy keeps your love tethered to heaven when your flesh wants to give up on earth.

Love flows from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.

Prophecy pulls those forward when everything else feels like it’s pulling you back.

So the charge is the same for you as it was for Timothy:

Recall the prophecies spoken over you.

Recall the promise of your covenant.

And fight the battle well.