Before We Go Any Further…

We are not speaking on this as casual observers.

We speak as sons and daughters of the Living God, ambassadors of His Kingdom, who have authority through Christ to address the works of the flesh, the schemes of the enemy, and the truth of Scripture. This is not opinion. This is eternal reality.

1. We’ve counseled thousands of spouses in this exact battle.
2. We’ve watched hundreds of practices, (therapists, counselors, and pastors) use our studies and teachings to refine how they counsel on this subject, and they’ve seen breakthrough.
3. We have licensed and certified professionals within our own organization who have aligned with Scripture in these matters and now minister in both truth and power.
4. Our content reaches tens of millions of people every month, and there is a growing reform and acceptance of biblical truth in this area on a massive scale.
5. We’ve even been invited onto major mainstream platforms to talk about these truths, and have politely declined—because we will not dilute the message of God’s Word to fit the world’s narrative.

If you’re an accusing spouse reading this:
Remember—God came to perfect His law, not abolish it. It matters infinitely more what God can do to you, your spouse, and your source of information for eternity than what you can do in your own strength. Derek Prince said it best: “You don’t break God’s laws. God’s laws break you.” Consider this a gracious warning—you are not ultimately coming up against your spouse, or against Established Family. You are coming up against an eternal God who has the power to bless and position you for eternity, or to cast you into outer darkness. Your therapist will not tell you that.

If you’re a spouse being accused of this:
Do not accept any label that assigns you a character or identity God did not give you. But—and this is a big “but”—pay close attention to what Scripture says about your mind, will, emotions, moral conduct, and actions as we walk through this article. You are not automatically off the hook just because the label is false. We are replacing false labels with the Word of God so that you can walk in true healing and deliverance. Grace and mercy are not the absence of truth—they are the Spirit of Truth Himself, who will bring everything to light, whether good or evil.

If you’re a therapist or counselor who has given this label:
You are being graciously warned by a collective of prophetic voices: the Lord is offering you a chance to be equipped with heavenly wisdom. Your business, your practice, your ministry—whatever you run—will be held accountable for every careless and useless word, and for every time you caused one of God’s children to stumble. The alternative? To walk in the way 1 Corinthians describes—combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words, speaking what can only be understood by the Spirit. But know this: the one without the Spirit is unqualified to judge spiritual matters.

Why We’re Confronting the “Narcissist” Narrative

Far too many spouses have convinced themselves they’re married to a narcissist, a Jezebel, or an Ahab.

And we understand this issue deeply—we’ve even written a 90-page study, “The Jezebel Effect: Destroying the Strongholds of Domination, Apathy, and Narcissism in Marriage“, equipping spouses to receive deliverance, healing, and biblical understanding on the subject.

And while they may feel more “informed” because they’ve found a label to hang on their spouse, the truth is—they’re not moving an inch closer to healing or restoration.

In fact, they’re drifting further away.

Why? Because every moment spent chasing man-made fictions is a moment stolen from what the Spirit of the Living God is actually doing in your marriage.

When you turn to secular therapists who have no concern for your spiritual condition…

…when you lean on friends who used those same labels as their personal escape route…

…when you scour the internet looking for content that will scratch the itch of your bias…

…you are walking into an endless sea of false revelation.

The deeper you wade into it, the more it feels like truth, yet the further it carries you from it.

And make no mistake: Satan is using every wave of that sea as a distraction. He doesn’t care if it’s wrapped in “psychological insight,” “trauma language,” or “relationship advice.” If it keeps you bound in accusation, bitterness, and fleshly analysis instead of prayer, repentance, and spiritual warfare, it’s his blueprint.

The result?

You become spiritually exhausted—not from standing for your covenant, but from accusing your spouse.

And demonic work is tiring.

It will drain you dry while convincing you that you’re doing the “hard work” of discernment.

Revelation 12:10 exposes exactly who is behind this: “For the accuser of our [believing] brothers and sisters has been thrown down [at last], he who accuses them and keeps bringing charges [of sinful behavior] against them before our God day and night.”

The enemy loves a spouse who’s so busy rehearsing accusations that they have no strength left for intercession.

He loves when you spend hours consuming content that feeds suspicion, offense, and pride because it leaves you no time to be filled with the Spirit, no capacity to hear the voice of God, and no appetite for the actual work of restoration.

Until you stop drinking from that endless well of man-made fiction, you will never be able to receive the pure, living water that comes only from Christ.

How the Enemy Keeps You “Working” Without Ever Restoring

If you aren’t careful, the “narcissistic” distraction comes with “solution” deception.

In other words, the more distracting labels you accept, the more deceptive solutions you fall into.

This is why so many spouses feel like they’re “working” on their marriage, yet they’re no closer to healing than they were months or even years ago.

The enemy is crafty… he doesn’t just get you to believe a lie about your spouse, he gets you to believe that man-made, flesh-driven fixes will heal what is ultimately a spiritual battle.

Yes, the world will give you a laundry list of things to “do” to fix your broken marriage:

• Work out 5x a week.
• Read self-help books.
• Take journaling courses.
• Meditate to “clear your mind.”
• Write letters you’ll never send.
• Do couples yoga or breathwork.
• Go on a “break” to find yourself.
• Attend empowerment workshops.
• Try manifestation or vision boarding.
• Practice “self-love” or “self-discovery.”
• Take the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs.
• Shock your brain with “neurotherapy.”
• Do shadow work or inner child therapy.
• Reconnect through hobbies or vacations.
• Pour into your kids to avoid your spouse.
• Sign up for marriage retreats or seminars.
• Build your career so you don’t “need them.”
• Hire a life coach to “rediscover your worth.”
• Create your “own life” to make them jealous.
• Cut out “toxicity” (without looking at your own).
• Go to counseling for endless months (alone or together).
• Spend hours scrolling “relationship advice” on social media.
• Binge videos about narcissism and blame them for everything.

After all the “practical” work, you still carry the same seeds of:

Anxiety. Bitterness. Resentment. Anger.
Pride. Unforgiveness. Fear. Discontentment.
Isolation. Selfish Ambition. Rebellion. Etc.

Because here’s the truth no one tells you—none of those activities deal with the root.

You can spend months, even years, perfecting your habits, organizing your life, and collecting tools, but if the soil of your heart is still hosting seeds of pride, bitterness, and unforgiveness, nothing Godly will grow there.

This is why the enemy loves to keep you in the cycle of “practical fixes.”

They feel productive, they give temporary relief, they scratch the itch to do something, but they never require you to confront sin, renounce agreement with the enemy, or submit your heart fully to the Holy Spirit.

They never call you to repentance.

They never equip you to take authority over the spiritual forces tormenting your marriage.

And so, you end up becoming busy but never delivered.

You may look healed to others, but deep inside you’re still spiritually sick.

The enemy isn’t threatened by your vision board or your Enneagram number—he’s threatened when you begin walking in the authority of Christ and tearing down the strongholds he’s built in your marriage.

Until you deal with the seeds, all the “practical” work will just be rearranging the weeds.

When Flesh and Demons Are Driving the Marriage

This is where the enemy’s deception becomes even more dangerous—because the behaviors you’re seeing in your spouse look like the very labels you’ve been told to use.

The problem is, those labels point you to a psychological diagnosis instead of a spiritual reality.

Does this sound familiar?

• Has no Godly vision.
• Isolated from community.
• Always needs to be right.
• Hates your relatives and friends.
• Constant criticism and belittling.
• Shifting blame to you for their actions.
• Seeking outside pleasures and distractions.
• Always treating you like you are the enemy.
• Withholding affection and physical intimacy.
• Lack of empathy or concern for your feelings.
• Never taking responsibility for their mistakes.
• Using silent treatment or withdrawal as punishment.
• Creating chaos and instability in the relationship.
• Refusing to listen or communicate openly.
• Manipulating situations for personal gain.
• Obsessed with their own image or needs.
• Avoiding accountability or confrontation.
• Unable to handle criticism without anger.
• Creating emotional distance and walls.
• Always the victim in every situation.
• Acting superior or self-righteous.
• Gaslighting or distorting reality.

“Yes, Derek & Jordan… it does sound familiar. That sounds like my narcissistic, Jezebelic spouse.”

Wrong…
You’re not married to a “narcissist.” You’re married to a demonically oppressed individual whose mind is governed by the flesh.

According to the Bible, demonic and flesh-driven behavior is…

Sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, bitter jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, drunkenness, carousing, disorder, unrest, rebellion, every evil thing, morally degrading practices, arrogance, hypocrisy, boasting, lovers of self, lovers of money, pride, abuse, disobedience to parents, ingratitude, unholiness, heartlessness, being unappeasable, slander, lack of self-control, brutality, lack of love for good, treachery, recklessness, conceit, love of pleasure over God, lust, evil desires, covetousness, wrath, malice, obscene talk, lying, evil thoughts, theft, murder, adultery, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, gossip, hatred of God, insolence, inventing evil, foolishness, faithlessness, ruthlessness, clamor, hands that shed innocent blood, hearts devising wicked plans, feet quick to do evil, false witnesses, and sowing discord.

Side note: Do you see the similarities? The Bible calls it the works of the flesh and demonic oppression. The world stripped the spiritual reality, gave it a clinical spin, and now sells it back to you as “narcissism.”

And Jesus died for every one who walks in this demonic fruit—the fruit of the flesh—whether you like it or not.

You can read it for yourself, starting with passages like:

• Galatians 5:19-21
• James 3:13-18
• 2 Timothy 3:1-5
• Colossians 3:5-9
• Mark 7:21-23
• Romans 1:29-31
• Ephesians 4:31-32
• Proverbs 6:16-19

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Here’s the danger: If you don’t see this for what it is, you’ll keep trying to fight it in the flesh—diagnosing, labeling, and counseling the symptoms—while never casting out, confronting, or crucifying the root. You can’t medicate a demon. You can’t counsel the flesh into holiness. The only answer is deliverance, repentance, and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

How the Enemy Turns “Help” Into a Weapon

Your spouse is not narcissistic. It’s not just “likely” that your spouse is driven by their flesh and unclean spirits, it’s scripturally certain.

And here’s the sobering truth: your counselor, therapist, friend, family member, or even your pastor may not be equipped to deliver them from it or disciple them through it.

Instead, they do what comes naturally to the flesh—they feed your offense, justify your bitterness, and give you vocabulary to accuse rather than authority to intercede.

They sharpen your ability to point the finger, but dull your ability to wage war in the Spirit.

James 3:13–18 shows us the difference: “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, free of hypocrisy.”

Do you see it? The fruit of the flesh and demonic influence will always manifest in disorder, chaos, and accusation. True, godly wisdom produces purity, peace, and mercy—qualities that dismantle the enemy’s grip instead of reinforcing it.

Ephesians 4:17–19 warns us: “You must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardness of their heart. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.”

Notice the order—Paul lists the characteristics of the Gentile first, and then gives the root cause: the hardness of their heart.

The enemy is too crafty to simply make you “walk like a Gentile” overnight.

If he can use a trained professional, a counselor, or even a trusted friend to slowly harden your heart—disguised as “helping you heal” or “helping you set boundaries”—then the rest of that list in Ephesians 4 happens automatically. It’s a spiritual chain reaction: hardness breeds alienation from God, alienation breeds ignorance, ignorance breeds futility, and futility opens the door for every kind of impurity.

And because you think you’ve been “helped,” you don’t even see the progression.

The devil has turned your healing process into his weapon, and you’ve been walking it out one counseling session at a time.

NO MORE, in Jesus’ name.

You are not called to be your spouse’s prosecutor, you are called to be their intercessor.

You are not an agent of accusation, you are an ambassador of reconciliation. The day you stop aligning with the enemy’s blueprint is the day you take back ground for your marriage.

Prayer of Healing & Deliverance from Accusation

Heavenly Father,

I come before You in humility, repenting for the ways I have
partnered with false labels over my marriage, my spouse, and
myself. I acknowledge that I have allowed the enemy to
infiltrate my mind with deception, and I repent for accepting
thoughts that are not rooted in Your truth. Forgive me for the
times I labeled my spouse or myself based on worldly standards,
lies, and accusations, instead of seeing through the lens of Your
righteousness.

Lord, I renounce every agreement I made with labels like
“narcissist,” “Jezebel,” or “Ahab,” and I rebuke the enemy’s
schemes to isolate, accuse, and destroy my marriage. I decree
that no weapon formed against my marriage will prosper, and I
cancel every word curse, every lie, and every agreement I have
made knowingly or unknowingly with the plans of the enemy.

I take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I
refuse to let any thought that sets itself up against Your
righteousness linger in my mind. Instead, I declare that my
mind is renewed and transformed by Your Word. Your Word is
my standard, my shield, and my truth.

Father, I decree that my spouse is not bound to the labels of this
world but is created in Your image. I speak life, identity, and
purpose over them in the name of Jesus. I declare that they are
not controlled by the flesh or the enemy but are a child of God,
called to walk in freedom, humility, and restoration.

I bind every spirit of division, manipulation, rebellion, and
confusion operating in my marriage, and I cast them out in the
name of Jesus. They have no authority here. I loose unity, peace,
and Godly order over my household. I invite Your Holy Spirit
to fill every corner of my home, my mind, and my marriage
with Your presence.

Lord, I decree and declare that my marriage is coming into
alignment with Your design. I will stand in the gap for my
spouse, not as an accuser, but as an intercessor, lifting them up
in prayer and warfare. I will not give the enemy a foothold by
participating in his accusations. I break every generational curse
and demonic influence trying to pass through my family, and I
plead the blood of Jesus over my household.

Father, You are the God of restoration. I place my marriage on
Your altar, trusting that You will renew what has been broken,
redeem what has been lost, and restore what has been stolen. I
surrender my will, my timeline, and my understanding to You.
Your Word says, “For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has
been hurled down” (Revelation 12:10). Today, I choose to stand
on this truth: the accuser has no place in my life or my
marriage.

Thank You for Your victory, Your power, and Your grace. I walk
forward in faith, declaring that my marriage will bear Godly
fruit, that my spouse will come into full alignment with Your
will, and that we will be a testimony of Your redemption and
glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen.