Early on in our marriage it was very apparent we were lacking the knowledge and skills needed to establish a healthy, God-honoring family.
I wish I could say we learned quickly, however; we did not.
It took us years to finally say enough is enough.
We need God to deliver us from the bondage we are walking in, and we need to establish some things to see our family start growing.
Before you dive in, remember: Some of these things take time to establish.
In order to establish anything you have to be consistent! This is not a one-time check list
Understanding of God’s Original Design for Family
Every family faces a crucial choice—will we lead our family in the light and life of Jesus, or will we succumb to the same curse that originated in the garden?
This truth cannot be evaded by ignoring it, hardening our hearts, or dismissing it as insignificant.
One of the Devil’s greatest deceptions is to convince us that he isn’t real and isn’t actively seeking to steal, kill, and destroy us and our families.
Therefore, when we entered into union with our spouse, we made a solemn commitment before God and witnesses to walk in the light. It wasn’t merely a ceremonial formality; it was the initiation of a sacred covenant.
We were never meant to conform to the world’s systems; instead, we are called to stand out and be the salt of the earth.
- Genesis 2:24 (NIV): “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
- Ephesians 5:31 (NIV): “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
- Psalm 127:3 (NIV): “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Knowing the Purpose God Has for Their Family
Once you grasp your family’s original design, it’s essential to seek revelation about the specific purpose God has ordained for your family’s existence on earth.
Just as God knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb, He also knew your spouse (or future spouse), your children, and your family as a whole.
He brought you together for a divine reason.
Discovering your family’s purpose requires intentional vision, setting goals, and engaging in meaningful conversations.
- Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
- Romans 8:28 (NIV): “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
- Proverbs 19:21 (NIV): “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Having a Clear Vision, Mission, and Purpose Statement
Once you’ve discerned your family’s purpose, it’s crucial to document it clearly.
Once your vision becomes clear, put it in writing.
Once your mission is defined, record it.
As Habakkuk 2:2 advises, make it plain for all to see!
It’s sobering to consider how few families have a documented vision for their future. If we lined up a hundred random families and asked each to present their family vision, only a small percentage would likely be able to do so.
- Proverbs 29:18 (NIV): “Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.”
- Habakkuk 2:2 (NIV): “Then the Lord replied: ‘Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.'”
- Proverbs 16:3 (NIV): “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”
Not Avoiding Essential Conversations
How will you, your spouse, or your children discern when it’s time to:
- Accelerate?
- Rest?
- Reconcile?
- Pursue?
- Build?
- Repent?
- Worship?
- Press in?
They will know through communication.
- Proverbs 15:22 (NIV): “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
- Ephesians 4:25 (NIV): “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
- Proverbs 18:13 (NIV): “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”
Promptly Addressing Conflict in the Home
The devil opposes and attacks your family with urgency!
Likewise, you must respond urgently.
When doors open to:
- conflict
- anger
- strife
- quarrels
- offenses
- rejection
…it’s time to confront them with biblical truth.
Maintain your home as a sanctuary, a place where God’s presence dwells and moves through your family.
- Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV): “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
- Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV): “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
- Matthew 18:15 (NIV): “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
Holding Everyone to the Same Standard
Each person in the family is under the same order of Christ.
- James 2:9 (NIV): “But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.”
- Proverbs 20:10 (NIV): “Differing weights and differing measures— the Lord detests them both.”
- Colossians 3:25 (NIV): “Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.”
The Parents Recognize and Identify the Gifts God has Given Their Children
Your children, each one unique, are not identical.
Every single one possesses:
- Their own way of hearing God
- A distinct calling and purpose
- Unique gifts and talents
- Specific challenges to overcome
- Personalized temptations to resist
- A future role in family and community
As parents, it’s our responsibility to train our children. But we cannot train them in what we do not know!
- Proverbs 22:6 (NIV): “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
- Ephesians 2:10 (NIV): “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
- 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 (NIV): “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”
The Parents Help Their Children Develop Essential Life Skills
Recognizing the gifts God has bestowed upon your children also entails ensuring they possess basic and essential life skills to navigate the world.
In the Bible, wisdom is described as “skillful living.”
If skillful living is not demonstrated within the home, children may lack these vital life skills.
Conversely, when children are taught how to mobilize, administrate, operate, communicate, and diligently pursue God, they will establish a new standard within your family lineage.
- Proverbs 22:29 (NIV): “Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank.”
- Deuteronomy 6:7 (NIV): “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
- Colossians 3:23 (NIV): “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
The Father is the Spiritual Leader in the Home
Most of this world believes “happy wife, happy life.” That works in families with a passive father.
A glorified father is a glorified wife.
A father who gets better is a family who gets better.
- Ephesians 6:4 (NIV): “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
- Joshua 24:15 (NIV): “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
- 1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV): “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
The Mother Nurtures the Vision Her Husband has Set for Their Family
Just as a woman is not typically tasked with creating and driving forward a vision, a man is not typically tasked with nurturing and growing a vision.
The role of a mother and wife is not inferior within the family structure. In fact, it serves as the lifeblood and earthly manifestation of God’s divine wind propelling the family’s plans forward.
- Proverbs 14:1 (NIV): “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
- Titus 2:4-5 (NIV): “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
- Proverbs 31:26-27 (NIV): “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
There is Godly Order in the Family (God – Husband – Wife – Kids)
A house out of order and divided amongst itself will not last the test of time.
- 1 Corinthians 11:3 (NIV): “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
- Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV): “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
- Ephesians 6:1 (NIV): “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
They Understand the Importance of Establishing a Family Business
The primary method to build generational wealth and legacy is through collective family ownership.
As Proverbs 13:22 states, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.”
Your descendants will either inherit your lack, dysfunction, and start from scratch, or they will inherit the fruits of your labor and thrive.
- Proverbs 13:11 (NIV): “Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow.”
- Proverbs 24:27 (NIV): “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”
- Proverbs 31:16 (NIV): “She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.”
They are Committed to Building Something Bigger than Just Themselves (Leaving a Legacy)
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that success is solely about one’s own family (especially when things start to work.) We must guard against idolizing our accomplishments or seeking validation solely from them.
- Proverbs 13:22 (NIV): “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous.”
- Psalm 78:4 (NIV): “We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.”
- 2 Timothy 2:2 (NIV): “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”
They Don’t Settle for a Single Source of Income (They Have Multiple Revenue Streams)
Likewise, you weren’t merely called to do one thing.
While you may excel in a particular endeavor for a season, God calls us to multiply our efforts and overflow so we can generously give unto others.
From the abundance of our storehouses, we can give, gift, minister, reach, and bring comfort to the world.
- Ecclesiastes 11:2 (NIV): “Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.”
- Proverbs 14:23 (NIV): “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”
- Matthew 25:14-15 (NIV): “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.”
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